Thursday, May 31, 2007
Update
Ummm, sorry it's been so long since I've updated. I've really wanted to. Summer's in full swing. I'm now working 40 hour weeks, and I spend my precious free time either sleeping LOTS or watching movies. Yeah, I have no life. Anyhow, I'm going back to New Concord for Susan and Wade's wedding! I'm really looking forward to seeing my Muskies again!!! I just got a letter in the mail this morning that I haven't lost my scholarship, so hopefully that means I'll get to return to precious Skangum as a sophomore. I'm still a bit shaken up from that possibility and some other stuff; so I would really appreciate it if you would pray for me. A lot of people have told me they already are; you guys are such a blessing to my life and I can't thank you enough. I really would love to know who is reading this. Anyone see the link from Facebook? Well, I'm off to work more, just took a quick break.
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Goodnight Sweetheart
This is one of the most beautiful collection of words I have ever set my eyes on. They were written by Josh Dies of Showbread. I hope they inspire and offer hope.
Tonight is the last night that I will walk alone. tonight is the last night i will call this place my home. i have fought many windmills, and chased after wind. i've clasped my hands around nothing again and again. we're all just bleeding to death from self inflicted wounds. we're all obtainting careers to provide our dooms. blindfolded and naive. lay our treasures in our fireplaces. place our children on the train tracks and pull the wool over their faces. i have made some twin with selfish ambition and thread. and sewed up my cuts before i'd be dead. i tied knots with faith in the world and myself. living for pleasure and toiling for wealth. i played outside for years with a butterfly net. chasing the wind every day before the sun set. then i cried into my pillow and clinched my fists, and looked for new things to sew up my wrists. ignoring the voice that whispered "goodnight sweetheart.." i refuse to admit the stitches are coming apart.
the years all went by and i am alone, everything has turned to dust that i called my own. i can't find something worth anything as far as i can see, the jars for the wind i've been chasing are empty. nothing in this world has lasted or put hope in my heart, the stitches have unraveled and are coming apart.
just beneath my wrists i watched this scarlet puddle grow. i can't find anything more that i can use to sew. at the end of my rope is a dangling noose, i have tied while living for nothing, and found nothing of any use. i am tired of fighting windmills and i'm tired of chasing the wind, i will not open my hands to find nothing ever again.
then his voice whispered to me before i closed my eyes, "i have already given you my life, so why is it that you chose to die?" then i saw him there standing over me, i covered my wrists, afraid that he would see. i couldn't look in his eyes and i felt so ashamed. i tried to hide all the blood colored stains. and my voice was shaking as i started to cry, i could feel that soon i was going to die. "i have nothing to fill all the holes in my heart ... the stitches have unraveled and are coming apart. i have chased after wind for a very long time, still i have nothing worth saying is mine. everything i did was for nothing and now i'm bleeding to death. and when I'll be dead i will still not have rest." as the blood ran down like the tears in my eyes, the only thing i have heard that has freedom from lies, spilled over his lips on to me. pale and broken. of all of the words i have heard to be spoken. all of the sorrow and all the regret. the years, the toil, the butterfly nets, this wasted life and all of this ... this never ending emptiness ... washed away below my arms in the blood that poured down, the thread and the stitches fell to the ground. his words blanketed me as my pain reached it's end, "I've loved you forever, and my love never ends."
Tonight is the last night that I will walk alone. tonight is the last night i will call this place my home. i have fought many windmills, and chased after wind. i've clasped my hands around nothing again and again. we're all just bleeding to death from self inflicted wounds. we're all obtainting careers to provide our dooms. blindfolded and naive. lay our treasures in our fireplaces. place our children on the train tracks and pull the wool over their faces. i have made some twin with selfish ambition and thread. and sewed up my cuts before i'd be dead. i tied knots with faith in the world and myself. living for pleasure and toiling for wealth. i played outside for years with a butterfly net. chasing the wind every day before the sun set. then i cried into my pillow and clinched my fists, and looked for new things to sew up my wrists. ignoring the voice that whispered "goodnight sweetheart.." i refuse to admit the stitches are coming apart.
the years all went by and i am alone, everything has turned to dust that i called my own. i can't find something worth anything as far as i can see, the jars for the wind i've been chasing are empty. nothing in this world has lasted or put hope in my heart, the stitches have unraveled and are coming apart.
just beneath my wrists i watched this scarlet puddle grow. i can't find anything more that i can use to sew. at the end of my rope is a dangling noose, i have tied while living for nothing, and found nothing of any use. i am tired of fighting windmills and i'm tired of chasing the wind, i will not open my hands to find nothing ever again.
then his voice whispered to me before i closed my eyes, "i have already given you my life, so why is it that you chose to die?" then i saw him there standing over me, i covered my wrists, afraid that he would see. i couldn't look in his eyes and i felt so ashamed. i tried to hide all the blood colored stains. and my voice was shaking as i started to cry, i could feel that soon i was going to die. "i have nothing to fill all the holes in my heart ... the stitches have unraveled and are coming apart. i have chased after wind for a very long time, still i have nothing worth saying is mine. everything i did was for nothing and now i'm bleeding to death. and when I'll be dead i will still not have rest." as the blood ran down like the tears in my eyes, the only thing i have heard that has freedom from lies, spilled over his lips on to me. pale and broken. of all of the words i have heard to be spoken. all of the sorrow and all the regret. the years, the toil, the butterfly nets, this wasted life and all of this ... this never ending emptiness ... washed away below my arms in the blood that poured down, the thread and the stitches fell to the ground. his words blanketed me as my pain reached it's end, "I've loved you forever, and my love never ends."
Responsibility
Just to let you all know up front: No, I am not forsaking my procrastinating ways any time soon. I just realized something today that I felt like sharing with the likes of you.
I arrived home. It had been so long since I had felt this tired. I needed to lie down and not get up until at least the next morning, but there was another voice calling for me. It may have seemed small, but my dog was barking. I pleaded with my father who had allowed the purchase of said dog to take him out, but it was something I had to do. I had to drop everything and put something outside of me before everything else.
I imagine this will slightly resemble what it will be like when I have kids (with a lot more crying.) Don't get me wrong. For the last few months I've been really looking forward to having kids, but rest assured that it won't be for at least like five years.
I arrived home. It had been so long since I had felt this tired. I needed to lie down and not get up until at least the next morning, but there was another voice calling for me. It may have seemed small, but my dog was barking. I pleaded with my father who had allowed the purchase of said dog to take him out, but it was something I had to do. I had to drop everything and put something outside of me before everything else.
I imagine this will slightly resemble what it will be like when I have kids (with a lot more crying.) Don't get me wrong. For the last few months I've been really looking forward to having kids, but rest assured that it won't be for at least like five years.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
When I Look At The Stars ....
First of all, I must apologize for not blogging as of late. Finals are approaching, but to be perfectly honest; I couldn't think of anything creative to say.
Second of all, last night I was trying to go to sleep last night, which is normal, and I was thinking, which is normal for most people, particularly myself. I had been dwelling on my feelings of late and reflecting on the fun day I had experienced.
Third of all, somehow I began to think of stars. I'm not exactly sure why. I think it was all of the songs about stars. I loved stars when I was younger, but I was fascinated why so many people around me were so fascinated by them. I began to reminisce of everything I had ever heard about stars to search out their hidden meaning.
Fourth of all, it finally hit me. Those so called tiny dots are actually larger than our Earth. Though they appear to be small and lonely, they can actually be seen from millions of miles away and people are watching them. People they might not even know exists.
Fifth of all, I thought to myself that I've felt far away from everything, especially other "stars" around me, but there's a God out there who is staring at me and fascinated by me, even though I think I am merely a lonely minuscule dot. However, this is far from the truth. I am larger than this world. I belong in the heavens.
Sixth of all, in the wonderful words of Paul, "Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe."
Last of all, I began to sleep oh so peacefully!
Second of all, last night I was trying to go to sleep last night, which is normal, and I was thinking, which is normal for most people, particularly myself. I had been dwelling on my feelings of late and reflecting on the fun day I had experienced.
Third of all, somehow I began to think of stars. I'm not exactly sure why. I think it was all of the songs about stars. I loved stars when I was younger, but I was fascinated why so many people around me were so fascinated by them. I began to reminisce of everything I had ever heard about stars to search out their hidden meaning.
Fourth of all, it finally hit me. Those so called tiny dots are actually larger than our Earth. Though they appear to be small and lonely, they can actually be seen from millions of miles away and people are watching them. People they might not even know exists.
Fifth of all, I thought to myself that I've felt far away from everything, especially other "stars" around me, but there's a God out there who is staring at me and fascinated by me, even though I think I am merely a lonely minuscule dot. However, this is far from the truth. I am larger than this world. I belong in the heavens.
Sixth of all, in the wonderful words of Paul, "Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe."
Last of all, I began to sleep oh so peacefully!
Monday, April 09, 2007
Forevermore (Paradox II)
I'll thank You forevermore.
Because You opened the door.
It's time to disengage.
Let go of this rage.
I'll hold myself down.
I'm about to drown.
Please rescue me.
Grab my hand, set me free.
I can not offer up my plea.
I'll simply love You forevermore ...
Because You opened the door.
It's time to disengage.
Let go of this rage.
I'll hold myself down.
I'm about to drown.
Please rescue me.
Grab my hand, set me free.
I can not offer up my plea.
I'll simply love You forevermore ...
Sunday, April 08, 2007
The Ultimate of Paradoxes (Part I)
I stare in disbelief.
The essence of innocence is on trial.
This capital punishment is making me cross.
Why can't He beat the system that is beating Him?
Why do I allow the suffering to continue?
His suffering ...
I received my charges.
I stare in disbelief.
The Ultimate of Paradoxes
"Paid in Full," they read.
As I took my last breath along with my Savior
And all memories of murder faded ...
Saturday, April 07, 2007
The Letter I Never Wrote
Dear love,
I had a dream last night and you were everywhere. When I woke up, I realized the reality of that wasn't true.
You crossed my path the other day and took the air from my lungs.
I stumble upon the fact that you know even as minuscule a creature's name like mine.
I am distraught that such a graceful being as you would even dare to tread towards an unlovely thing like me.
Dear love,
I'm confused you see; I can't find a reason why you waste your time with the likes of me.
I see it in your eyes; faith, in uncharted lands, in a path that only one can see.
The love you have for everything around you makes me go mad.
I can't even see, for the love you've given me has made me blind.
Dear love,
Let me explain this to you:
Every time I close my eyes the images of your unchanging eyes follow my every step.
Your beauty haunts my dreams.
I can't even begin to perceive the things you have created in my mind.
What loves you've made me feel; a love you've let me realize, a love you let me see.
Dear love,
I will never stop loving you, through whatever hate that had been afflicted onto us.
You've set a fire in my soul, with a passion that will never go out, and devotion that never ends.
My heart stops when I feel your touch and my mind goes numb,
I have eternal love for you, never forget me, love, for I will never forget you,
I will never forget you, love…never
Sincerely,
the one behind a disapating barrier
I had a dream last night and you were everywhere. When I woke up, I realized the reality of that wasn't true.
You crossed my path the other day and took the air from my lungs.
I stumble upon the fact that you know even as minuscule a creature's name like mine.
I am distraught that such a graceful being as you would even dare to tread towards an unlovely thing like me.
Dear love,
I'm confused you see; I can't find a reason why you waste your time with the likes of me.
I see it in your eyes; faith, in uncharted lands, in a path that only one can see.
The love you have for everything around you makes me go mad.
I can't even see, for the love you've given me has made me blind.
Dear love,
Let me explain this to you:
Every time I close my eyes the images of your unchanging eyes follow my every step.
Your beauty haunts my dreams.
I can't even begin to perceive the things you have created in my mind.
What loves you've made me feel; a love you've let me realize, a love you let me see.
Dear love,
I will never stop loving you, through whatever hate that had been afflicted onto us.
You've set a fire in my soul, with a passion that will never go out, and devotion that never ends.
My heart stops when I feel your touch and my mind goes numb,
I have eternal love for you, never forget me, love, for I will never forget you,
I will never forget you, love…never
Sincerely,
the one behind a disapating barrier
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Welcome!
Welcome, One and All!
I am not new to blogging by a long shot, but I've felt the need to blog for months, now. I have a lot of ideas, mostly on spiritual matters, but others as well. Hopefully I can update you on my Oh So Exciting Life too. I just wanted the first post to be a fun introduction. I hope all you readers out there will enjoy this.
I am not new to blogging by a long shot, but I've felt the need to blog for months, now. I have a lot of ideas, mostly on spiritual matters, but others as well. Hopefully I can update you on my Oh So Exciting Life too. I just wanted the first post to be a fun introduction. I hope all you readers out there will enjoy this.
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